Finding Remus
by The Luna Complex
Summary: “Remus,” she whispered, “I don’t care about any of that. What happened to the Remus Lupin I used to know?” He looked away. She grabbed his hand and this time, he didn’t pull back. A songfic to 'Simon' by Lifehouse.


**A/N: Too bad I don't own Harry Potter... or the band Lifehouse.**

_Catch your breath,  
Hit the wall,  
Scream out loud,_

* * *

He was panting heavily as he howled in pain. His transformations always took a toll on him. Remus Lupin lay, drearily, on the musty floor of his bedroom in Number 12 Grimmauld Place as the sun started to break over the horizon. He closed his eyes, dark, depressing thoughts swirling through his brain. He thought of Sirius, how he was brutally murdered by his own blood. He thought of James, how we was betrayed and left to die by a fellow Marauder. He thought of young Harry, how a mere sixteen-year-old shouldn't have to deal with everything in the world right now. He thought of Nymphadora, how they could never be together. He angrily pounded his fist against the floor. 

_If only she knew..._

In all in frustration, he let out an angry yell. He loved her, but they could never be together.

* * *

_As you start to crawl,__  
Back in your cage,  
The only place,  
Where they will,  
Leave you alone._

* * *

He hurriedly swiped the angry tears away from his face when he heard his door creak open.

"Remus?" a gentle voice called.

He knew that voice. It was melodious, soothing even.

He instantly hardened. He couldn't let her see him like this.

"What?" he spat, a bit more viciously than he had intended.

The young witch seemed taken aback, but she crawled over to him nonetheless.

"I- I heard you yell. Are you alright, Remus?" she asked tentatively.

He appeared pensive. Should he let her know the truth?

She sighed, exasperated.

"Remus," she started, "I know you're a werewolf. I know what you're going through. Please, Remus," she took his hand, "Please talk to me."

* * *

'_Cause the weak will seek the weaker,_  
'_Til they've broken them.  
Could you get it back again?  
Would it be the same?_

* * *

Nymphadora Tonks look into the pained blue-brown eyes of her love and felt a sense of remorse. She could see years of ridicule and derision etched upon his face. Those around him had constantly put him down and now the only ones that had ever supported him were gone.

She kneeled down beside him and took him into her arms as he began to cry again. Even if his fellow Marauders could no longer support him, she would always be there.

* * *

_Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense,  
Left you with no defense.  
They tore it down.  
Locked inside,  
The only place,  
Where you feel sheltered,  
Where you feel safe._

* * *

Remus felt the small arms of his love wrap around him and the heavy sobs that wracked his body grew even harder. He couldn't contain himself, years of contempt and scorn, of letting the pain build up, all rushed out of him in the form of hot, angry tears. He was defenseless. He felt safe in her arms. He never wanted to leave. She was all he had left.

Then he came to his senses.

_What am I doing? I can't be with her! I'll hurt her!_

He roughly shoved her away and walked over to the window, observing the grey, dreary landscape outside.

She walked over to him, regardless, and stood next to him.

* * *

_You lost yourself,  
In your search to find,  
Something else,  
To hide behind._

* * *

"Remus," she started, but was cut off.

"No. I'm sorry Nymphadora, but we can't be together. I'm too old; I would pass on before we even had a chance to grow old _together_. I'm too poor; I would never be able to support you! I can't even get a decent job and you know that! And, I'm too dangerous. You could get hurt, even _killed_, Nymphadora. I am sorry," he spoke in no more than a hoarse whisper. She took his hand but he pulled back.

"Remus," she whispered, "I don't care about any of that. What happened to the Remus Lupin I used to know?" He looked away. She grabbed his hand and this time, he didn't pull back.

* * *

_The fearful always preyed upon your confidence,  
Did they see the consequence,  
When they pushed you around?  
The arrogant built kingdoms made of the different ones.  
Breaking them 'til they've become,  
Just another crown._

* * *

She watched as her Remus, _her_ Remus, looked once again out the window, avoiding eye contact. How could they have done this to him? She would never understand. Couldn't anyone see that in their constant scorn of the werewolf, they were breaking the man inside?

* * *

_And I have felt the same as you.  
I've felt the same as you.  
I've felt the same._

* * *

"Remus," she breathed, "I know how you're feeling. You have to let others in."

He turned sharply to look at her.

"And, how would that be, Miss Tonks?" She didn't miss the sarcasm in his voice. She also didn't let him see her smile.

_He's coming back to me._

"Well, Mr. Lupin, I presume you forgot all about my family, have you?" she explained without much patience. "Have you forgotten that my mother was a black sheep in the Black family? Have you forgotten the fact that my father is a muggleborn? I spent my entire life scorned and hated by the rest of the Black family. I never knew love other than my mother and father and now, they are gone too. How _dare_ you say I don't know what it's like to be alone Remus Lupin?"

* * *

_Refuse to feel anything at all.  
Refuse to slip.  
Refuse to fall.  
Can't be weak.  
Can't stay still.  
You watch your back,_  
'_Cause no one will._

* * *

Her expression softened as she moved toward him and took both his hands into her much smaller ones.

"Be strong, Remus Lupin."

She needn't say more. Everything he needed to hear was written in her chestnut eyes.

* * *

_You don't know why they had to go this far.  
Traded your worth for these scars,  
For your only company._

* * *

As Remus looked into her eyes, he felt stronger, like a wave of emotion crashing down upon him, renewing him with invigorating strength. Although he still knew somewhere in the back of his mind that they could never be together, he felt as though he could enjoy this moment. For the time being, he wasn't a weathered werewolf covered in scars, inside and out, but he was the young man he once was: The young Marauder that used to be able to laugh and thoroughly enjoy himself.

* * *

_And, don't believe the lies that they have told you.  
Not one word was true.  
You're all right, you're all right, you're all right._

* * *

"Don't believe anything they tell you, Remus. Nothing they say is true. You're _not_ a monster."

As she turned to leave, however, she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you, Nymphadora," he spoke, gently.

"Not a problem, Remus," she smiled. "Oh, and Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call me Nymphadora."

He watched her leave with a smile on his face.

He was going to be alright.

**A/N: Yay! My first Remus/Tonks fic! I've always thought this song was perfect for poor Remus. Dedicated to my lovely friend, Tonks. Luna loves you.**


End file.
